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The NBA age limit stinks
- just ask Dickie V., he'll tell you why
June 27th, 2006
By Adrian Brijbassi
BodogNation Contributing Writer
Kevin Willis, Zan Tabak,
Oliver Miller. They were among the first.
Antonio Davis, Loren Woods,
Chris Bosh*. They’ve been the latest.
In between, hollow men like:
Eric Montross, Rafael Araujo, Hakeem Olajuwon
(more Nigerian nightmare than Dream at this stage),
Mamadou N’Diaye, Keon Clark, Charles Oakley.
These 12 very tall humans
from three continents and five countries have
all tried to play center for one perennially sad-to-mediocre
NBA franchise: the Toronto Raptors.
Now the Raps have scooped
the first overall pick in Wednesday’s draft
– a tool that can end a search for a missing
link in the middle that has dated to the team’s
triassic era. Except for one thing, Toronto has
been blunt-end plungered out of its best option
– a 7-foot specimen from the Hoosier state
– because the NBA thinks he’s not
old enough or responsible enough to collect a
paycheck larger than what a Sam Walton employee
takes home.
So the Raptors are going
to end up with LaMarcus Aldridge, who has Antonio
McDyess scrawled all over him like a full-body
tattoo, or Andrea Bargnani, who sounds like he
should be rolling out an operatic version of Oh,
Canada! rather than D-ing up on Tim Duncan. The
guy who should be in Madison Square Garden on
Wednesday and leasing a jackpad near Yonge Street
on Thursday is Greg Oden, who if you do a quick
web search you’ll find getting down like
Jesus Shuttleworth with Ohio State’s Midwest
farmers’ daughters instead of attending
predraft workouts and playing all nice in front
of the national media.
Oden’s 18, so he gets
turned away at the adult Association’s door
until he hits 19 – a situation so ridiculous
even Dick Vitale (talk about ridiculous) thinks
it’s stupid. And as you’re aware,
unless you haven’t watched sports television
for the past 30 years, when Vitale does his thinking,
he does it out loud.
“I don’t like
it and I’ll tell you why” –
when Dickie V. says that, you know it’s
not an empty promise – “I truly believe
you should not take away a person’s opportunity
to make a living. How sad would it be if LeBron
James was not able to play when he was 18? I think,
and this is something I’ve proposed, that
people like Jerry West – GMs of respected,
super teams – should be the ones to decide
which five high schoolers are likely to be lottery
picks each year. Just the lottery picks, because
if they’re that good they shouldn’t
be denied. Take a look at tennis and golf and
–”
We’ll cut you off there,
Dick. No offense, America does it with the mute
button every winter Saturday and Monday. Good
points, though, and here’s some back up
for you: Kevin Garnett, LeBron James, Amare Stoudemire,
Kobe Bryant, Tracy McGrady, Dwight Howard, Jermaine
O’Neal, Rashard Lewis. High-school players
taken in the first round since 1995. KG, LeBron,
T-Mac and Howard were all lottery picks, and all
have done (or in Howard’s case, is likely
to do) what first-round selections are supposed
to: swing the fortunes of the franchises that
drafted them.
Kwame Brown: Bust –
and the exception. So, yeah, the drafting of high
schoolers has not failed. Shove that up your David
Stern, right Dickie V.?
“If a kid is ready
to play, he should be able to be drafted,”
Vitale said in an exclusive interview (not like
getting Shiloh Nouvel’s mommy on the hot
seat like AC 360 did, but still for a few minutes
on a Friday morning Dickie V.’s attention
was with no one else other than his five grandkids
swimming in a pool on a Disney cruise ship –
“Stroke, Sammy, stroke – take it to
the wall, baby!”).
Oden is being punished because
the NBA scouts and general managers thought the
likes of Korleone Young, Taj McDavid, James Lang
and Kendrick Perkins were ready to go from prom
to pro. Just as owners do when they complain about
the cost of team salaries, NBA executives aren’t
taking the blame for their actions.
That means Raps GM Bryan
Colangelo has to choose between a European (and
Vitale and other bloviators will happily tell
you how that’s worked out for teams: Darko,
Mickael Pietrus, Zarko Cabarkapa, Zoran Planinic,
Ndudi Ebi – eeesh! – and that’s
just in the first round of the 2003 draft) and
a handful of college players who all have a shot
at being great, but none of their shots are slam
dunks. If he’s smart – and he is –
Colangelo will trade down and get someone who
may have less potential but brings more certainty
to the lineup – a work-all-day pest like
Randy Foye or two-way force like Brandon Roy.
With last week’s trade
for Rasho Nesterovic, another one of those space
fillers in the middle, Colangelo may be setting
the table for just such a move.
* - (to his credit, Bosh
has succeeded while playing out of position).
Guys You Absolutely Don’t
Want Your Team to Draft
The guy from England. That’s
it, you’re not getting his name. It’s
a free land, there’s no obligation here
to write it.
But you can have who he’s
going to be: Georghe Muresan.
Oh, Fall to Me, Please!
Adam Morrison, Gonzaga –
From Dickie V.: “Morrison can flat-out score.
He’ll be a solid No. 3 wherever he plays
and for as long as he plays in the NBA.”
Craig Smith, Boston College
– He might fall out of the first round because
of his wrist injury and his status as a tweener
(6-6, 250 pounds), but Smith is tough and has
been an underdog before – he traveled east
after no school in his native California would
give him a full ride.
Italian Restaurant Guys
(Players Who All Have at Least One Thing Everybody
Likes)
Taquan Dean, Louisville –
A workout freak, Dean’s got the lowest body-fat
count (3.9 percent) of any draft-eligible player.
Jordan Farmar, UCLA –
Proved he can run an offense and be a shut-down
defender during the NCAA Tournament.
Most Likely to Drift Into Oblivion
Josh Boone, Connecticut –
Has less moves than a caimon (you don’t
have to look it up, there’s a movie coming
out with the same name that’ll explain it
– so don’t strain yourself).
Rajon Rondo, Kentucky –
Bad shot and apparently isn’t keen on physical
fitness.
Most Likely to Be Arrested Before Camp
Jack & Jolt Redick, Duke
– That’s a gimme. Vitale says J.J.
can “instantly come in and be a factor”
– he didn’t mean on the NBA’s
tendency to make the police blotter.
Most Likely to Be Tagged
With a Super Hero Nickname
Saer Sene – Elastic
Man. A 7-footer from Senegal, Sene stretches out
to a 7-8 wing span when he unfurls.
The Feet 16 - World Cup Happenings
The Feet 16 - World Cup
Happenings
Word on the street (if the
street is Mulberry) is they’re still playing
soccer in Germany. Another week’s worth
of advice for soccer people: make more commercials.
Remember the 1994 Nike ad with the Brazilians
knocking the ball around like Jordan and Bird
playing horse? That was cool. Remember against
Japan on Thursday when Ronaldo passed back across
the field to Adriano who then knocked 40 yards
laterally to Gilberto who tapped it to Ronaldinho
who served it to Cafu who sent it back to Robinho
who passed it to Cicinho (you’re breakin’
my heart) who walked it back to Dida the keeper
who sent it long to Kaka who passed off again
to Cicinho (you’re shakin’ my confidence
daily) who worked the sidelines for a throw-in.
Yeah, no wonder this sport has so many fights
in the stands – it’s called smashing
the monotony.
To make it interesting, bet
on it. Bet on goals scored, bet on halftime scores,
bet on first scorer, bet on the moneyline and
the spread. You don’t have to torture yourself
by pretending it’s interesting.
Shut Up, Canada
Edmonton’s called the
city of champions and apparently it irks the rest
of Canada. Kind of like how East Timor saying
it’s the best quadrant of all of Timor sends
the rest of the country into a rage while we all
kind of say, What?
The last two Stanley Cups
have been won by southern (redneck, y’all)
teams in the United States and both those teams
have been coached by Americans. No more complaints
about small-market handicaps. Deal with the facts,
Canada – the Cup’s found a home and
has no intentions of vacationing north of Buffalo.
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The Undercard
That’s Upsetting: The Decoolifying
of Shaquille O’Neal. He’s
managed to work his lovable giant
persona and quick wit into becoming
a popular icon along the lines of
Muhammad Ali. But he hung on so close
to D-Wade that the kid must’ve
felt like he was suffocating. In that
moment during the Heat’s NBA
championship celebrations, Shaq turned
into a legacy builder like any jerk
politician – so sad to see.
Line Her Up: Women who are hardcore
sports fans have a maternal instinct
toward their team. To warm up to them,
bash the opposition. If she’s
a Mets fan, find the guy in the bar
with the Yankees’ hat on and
make fun of him (shouldn’t be
hard). You’ll be her ally.
Proof of Disorder in the Universe:
Josef Vasicek has hoisted the Stanley
Cup high above his head - and no doubt
put his lips somewhere close to the
name Lafleur - while Chris Pronger,
Paul Kariya, Scott Mellanby and retired
Ray Ferraro are among those “non-champions”
who can’t even touch the chalice
without breaking a code of the NHL
fraternity.
Coolest Song of the Week: Crazy by
Gnarls Barkley (last week: Cure for
Pain by Morphine).
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PHOTO: Dick Vitale loves
Adam Morrison's game (AI Wire photo).
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